Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Glory, glory hallelujah.

I've noticed something else about myself in the recent days.

When I start a new friendship, I get really excited about it. I will text the person a lot or write on their facebook/twitter/myspace whatever. That's probably not a good thing, right?

I like how I'm posing a question to no one because I haven't, technically, broadcasted this link yet. I will.... eventually. When I feel like it's ready.

Today in history class we were talking about the civil war. My professor had asked how the aftermath of a civil war is worse than a war between two opposite countries. I realized that this is a lot like life. Some people are going through personal civil wars within themselves, and some have wars with others.

The thing about an internal civil war is, not only are you hurting yourself, but others around you are also affected by it. I think I've been having a civil war between me, myself and I for awhile now. I haven't always noticed or wanted to admit it, but it's there. I know everyone fights inside themselves for what the right thing or the wrong thing to do is. Small battles for reason. But the one I've been having is an all out war.

And the damage is way worse than anyone else could do to me from the outside.

I mean, I don't have any kind of mental disability or things like that. But sometimes I blur reality from fantasy. I had a dream last night about a close friend, and it felt so incredibly real and I was so happy in that dream. When I woke up and realized that the events never took place, I wasn't horribly sad, but it made me realize something that I wasn't completely sure of before. Something that I still don't want to admit because it could ruin the way things are now, and I don't want that. Not only for me, but for others.

This war needs to end now.

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