Tuesday, September 1, 2009


I said something in one of my first posts that I want to explain.

"I just wish I had someone I know for sure would be there to help me with these things."

It's not that I don't have people around me that are supportive, I do. By the dozens. But, I've had friends come and go so quickly in my life that I don't know who is going to be around much longer and who I can depend on forever(I don't like using that term, but it seemed appropriate. To me, forever only means as long as you live.... but what if they go first? Morbid, I know).

It's not the people I don't trust to stick around, it's me. I can get too close for comfort to some people, and many don't like that. Which I understand. Especially independent people. I always thought I was one of those, until I realized how much I depend on others. Not only to do things for me, that's not the issue, but others I can do things for. I'm a very giving person, I feel, and I like to do for others. Even in the smallest of ways. Writing someone a note, getting them a coffee or something while I'm picking something else up, getting souvenirs for friends while on vacation, paying for dinner once in awhile, doing small favors. I live off these things. I enjoy seeing and making people happy, but sometimes people get tired of it. I don't do it so they can remember that I did. Not do they will look back and go "oh that Lauren, she's great." I really don't like to expect anything in return either. I'm usually surprised by it. (I don't mind surprises every once in awhile either). But a lot of people really don't like that quality I have, mostly because it seems like they feel obligated to do for me what I do for them. Not true.

One of my newest best friends is like me, in that sense. She has the biggest heart around and will give you the shirt off her damn back. We're so alike it's crazy. We both love to do for others, which seems to be our downfall as well.

Alas, that's life right? Nobody's perfect.

Just wanted to clear that up.

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