Monday, August 31, 2009

Life Changes

For the past few months I've been really frustrated with my steady relationship status(non-existent). Lately I've realized that I'm not incredibly happy with myself, therefore how can I be happy with anyone else?

Although, thinking about it further, isn't someone I'm with supposed to help me feel good about myself?

There is a difference between being confident and vile. I'm always afraid of crossing that line in appearance to others. Inside, I know I will never be that person who thinks their shit doesn't stink, but I'm very conscious about what others think of me.... which I guess isn't a good thing either. By others, technically, I mean my friends. People I interact with daily and whom I appreciate and admire. If they think bad of me, who is there to think good? Just myself?

I've heard that you know you are comfortable when you can sit by yourself in a room for hours. I can do that. Years ago my thoughts would overcome me with what others were doing. Now, not so much. I know I have improved.

I just wish I had someone I know for sure would be there to help me with these things.

I don't think my mother helps. She's the first person to try and prove me wrong about things, and call me an idiot. She's
not the most supportive person ever. I came home yesterday from a dinner with friends, and the skirt I was wearing was a little higher on my waist cause I had been walking. The first thing she says to me:

"I can't believe anyone would want to go to dinner with you looking like that."

And she will never accept the fact that she is begrudging. Never. She will compare herself to someone worse. Just because you're not the WORST, doesn't mean you don't need to change.


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